I know this lady, well, that's a reach, I don't know that she's all
that much of a lady, but she showers regularly and dresses up to go
out, so you know, six of one. That part, the 'six of one' part, you
knew what I meant, right? I short-handed a cliched old saying because
I could save space since everyone knows the rest, and what it means.
No? Okay, the saying is, "Six of one, half dozen of another", and it
is supposed to mean that there is no difference, just semantics,
describing the same situation with different words. The same thing, or
the same difference, I have trouble with that too, but I'm getting
further off track.
Basically, you say you have a bag of granola and I say you have a
sack of crap and some interloper will pipe in, "Six of one, half dozen
of another." Ya, fascinating. That might be why they cut it down to
'six of one', see? Anyway, I would like for people to stop doing that,
shortening well-known phrases assuming they are so damned well-known.
I heard that six of one nonsense several times before I had any idea
what these hillbillies were trying to say, and I'm reasonably
coherent, really.
Back to the lady, she married my Uncle and became my Aunt Tinky
about 30 years ago, and she is as country as collard greens and
backyard dentistry. She is constantly dropping these abbreviated gems
of hokum wisdom, leaving me wondering do I even dare ask for the
English version. The one that got me the most confused is, "He
wouldn't take a job in a pie factory." The literal meaning was lost on
me, but by context I knew the intended meaning, she could just as well
have said "He wouldn't himqua toda flim-whap." She was trying to say
someone was very lazy, and specifically that this someone suffers
frequent, long-lasting bouts of self-inflicted unemployment. She said
this about one of her step-sons, my cousin Angus. ( He is as bone-idle
as a corpse but that's neither here nor there.) The phrase is intended
to convey that the person shuns work to such an extent that even a
leisurely, lucrative job would not be good enough to keep the person
interested for long. Unfortunately, I couldn't figure out how a
factory would be such a great place to work, especially a pie factory.
Heavy sacks of sugar, flour, and kidneys to lug around, loud,
dangerous machinery putting that wavy crimp in the crust, hobos flying
all around, I don't think so, not for me, thanks.
Eventually I asked someone else what this botch was saying, and I
got the original version: "He is so lazy; he wouldn't take a job in a
pie factory TASTING PIES." Oh. Oh! Yeah, that might be a pretty sweet
gig! I imagine pie-tasters make pretty good kablinky, seeing as how
they have already convinced someone that they deserve full time pay
for something that really only requires a mouth, which most of the
other workers in the factory probably possess. Not pretentious and
sanctified by society like those wine and cheese sniffing snobs, but
steady work to be sure.
All that trouble just because she wanted to save three syllables. I
counted, tast / ing / pies. Now that's lazy. The word 'botch' is not a
typo; it's a word for people that screw things up that may also be
bitches.
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